Archive for July, 2010

MY FIRST EXPERIENCE GOING INTENTIONALLY INTO THE SHADOW:

Friday, July 30th, 2010

My interest in studying cellular memory began when I was about thirty years old, and deepened eight years later, when Adriana, my wife and companion, and mother of my three children. suddenly died.

When Adriana and I had lunch in Sausalito one sunny day before I left for a trip to South America, I had no way to know I would never see her conscious again. While I was gone, she fainted and then went into a deep coma from which she was never to awaken. In the hospital, doctors discovered a brain aneurysm. Sitting next to her in the hospital bed after my frantic return from South America, I was shocked, drowning, as if anesthetized by the blow. An inner voice asked over and over again: “Why? Why? Why?” I felt the pressure of a heavy, unbearable iron crown around my head. I couldn’t cry. I was frozen, although I managed to stay calm and under control.

I was in the intensive care unit with Kelly, a dear friend (and student). She approached me and said: “Well, now were going to do what you’ve taught us.” I knew at once what she meant. She was referring to the work I was beginning to slowly develop with my students and clients in which we allow ourselves to deeply and fully recognize whatever we are feeling as it arises in our bodies rather than blocking any upset or negative emotions, or getting lost in any thoughts or stories about the experience.

I gave in. I stopped thinking and analyzing, I tried to stop controlling my feelings, and began to accept that I knew absolutely nothing. The permission I gave myself to feel the full extent of the pain raging through my body triggered an “out-of-time” experience that was only a few minutes long, but seemed to last a lifetime. The experience led me to feel an assortment of very intense inner states; denial of what was happening, profound rage, the feeling of having been abandoned, terror of the future and, paradoxically, also guilt, a lot of guilt.

Adriana eventually was gone, yet somehow her leaving planted the seed of an incredible gift, the gift of an awakening to a new life. The shock produced by her loss was the first step in an inner process that completely changed my perception of myself and of my life.

Excerpt from the book “Memory in The Cells”, by Luis Diaz

If you like what you just read, you will definitely want to check out my book Memory in the Cells, which is coming to Amazon on October 5, 2010. To get a taste of what it’s about, you can download a 4-part audio course called “Healing at a Cellular Level.”

It’s yours for FREE at http://bit.ly/a9UMOC