Archive for January, 2011

What is the Most Important Relationship of All?

Monday, January 31st, 2011

Do you know why the subject of relationships is so very important for us? Well, it’s because we have to deal with them all the time. No one escapes from them!

Even when in the womb, we receive our first training in relationships through the very intimate connection with our mothers. After birth, we keep absorbing information from our family of origin, friends and teachers. As we keep growing up, we meet different people, and those connections touch our being in different ways, some more deeply than others. But each of them creates different reactions and inner experiences within us.

We all want to have relationships that make us feel good. When there is trust, harmony and reciprocity in our relationships, we feel close. Then the fruits we gather from them are sweet and we want more of them!

On the other hand, when our relationships create stress and suffering, we find ourselves in dramas, conflicts and power struggles. As a result we end up feeling hurt and separated from each other. We blame and punish others or we are blamed and punished by them. We feel disappointed. We expected something wonderful but it didn’t happen!

I know all of this is very familiar to you. It’s old news.

But here’s something that might be new to you, which is the key to creating a transformational impact in the quality of all your relationships:

While we are so busy trying to change or improve our interpersonal relationships, or attract better relationships into our lives, we often miss the most important connection we have and could ever have. It’s such an important connection that the quality of every one of our relationships depends upon it.And that is…

…the relationship with ourselves.

Our relationship with ourselves is the most intimate, deep and long-lasting one we will ever have. It is the only relationship that will never end. All other connections will come to an end sooner or later, but the relationship with ourselves is endless.

I usually like to say that we are our own “eternal roommates”.

Here are some reflective questions to explore this. If you were a person external to yourself, how would you answer these questions?

  • Are you your best friend or your worst adversary?
  • Do you treat yourself with indifference?
  • What things do you say to yourself?
  • Do you blame yourself frequently?
  • Do you praise and acknowledge yourself, or do you regularly condemn yourself?

Remember: the quality and trust in your relationships is a direct consequence of the quality and trust you are able of creating in the connection with yourself.

So what do you think? How would you answer these questions? Take a moment to write down some notes to yourself—your wonderful self—and share some reflections on what you discovered in the comments below.

I look forward to reading your reflections.

In awareness and healing,

Luis Angel Diaz